Derpy Sherlock
by Yveltal in CookieLand900
Summary: A Sherlock parody written by cookies4lifes Discontinued
1. Derp 1

It was garbage day on Baker Street and all was well, Birds were chirping, people were emptying their bins and it was a very sunny day. the garbage truck was heading by until suddenly a door burst open. Out the door came Sherlock holmes barking and hollering while sniffing madly, he was wearing a dog collor attached to a leash and on all fours rapidly bear crawling at the same pace you'd see a chihuahua running at while his partner John Watson struggled to keep him under control."Sherlock stop this doggy madness the neighbors already think we're crazy, just stop!" Sherlock just kept on barking and crawling trying to reach the truck not giving any care as the other residents of Baker Street just stared with weirded out expressions on their faces. "Sherlock, stop!" John kept hollering as Sherlock still rapidly bear crawled like a dog and was catching up to the garbage truck, John was now being dragged by Sherlock while still keeping hold of the leash he knew he had to do something so he got up on his knees and flipped Sherlock on his back and started to restrain him, Sherlock was struggling to chase that truck, he almost broke free until john quickly gave him a slap which shut him out of that trance. Sherlock shook his head and yelled "what're think your doing, trying to kick me out of the house or something?!" John rolled his eyes and yanked the struggling leashed detective back into the apartment. "You were chasing a garbage truck and barking all at the same time, people think your insane now!" John disappointedly explained. " Well what's wrong with a little excercise?!" Sherlock snapped back. John face palmed and said "you're embarrasing us both by doing this." "It's not my fault!" Sherlock angrily replied.


	2. Derp 2

John was exhausted from chasing after Sherlock, "why did he have to get hit by that blasted bus?!" John thought to himself. It's been 5 months after that incident. It all started when Sherlock was tricked into watching nyan cat and puppy videos all night and drinking red bull at the same time as a challenge from Moriarity. That next day he was taking a stroll and a kid riding a toy bus without any warning hit Sherlock sending him flying until he hit a wall. Sherlock developed a coma for three days and woke up brain damaged and derpy. Sherlock was no longer a highly functioning sociopath, but a highly silly derpy-o-path. John sighed and sipped his coffee, he turned on his laptop and began blogging. Meanwhile Sherlock was chewing on some dog bones and heard a ringing noise, Sherlock stood up and answered the phone.

Sherlock: what is it I'm busy

cop: mr. Holmes, we have a murder here and we require your help we'll send you the Location through email...

Sherlock grabbed the iphone, set it on a table and walked away. He returned a few seconds later with a large hammer and smashed the mobile device walking away while answering:"NO!" John heard the commotion and immediately arrived to see Sherlock holding a hammer and the broken iphone on the table. John quickly confiscated the hammer and scolded Sherlock. Sherlock snorted and said " John, you are not dragging me into that crime scene!" John walked away only to return with a collar and a dog leash, Sherlock stared at the items and ran, but John was able to catch up, pummel him to the ground, get the collar and leash on and drag him out the door. Sherlock frantically struggled to get free, but the angry Watson just bopped him on the head and replied with " we are solving this mystery you brain damaged puppy, now call a taxi and let's get moving!" "fine..." Sherlock sighed and got up, he then pulled out a hand gun and started shooting a cab denting the car and cracking the windows, the driver then got out yelling" you'll be paying for this damage you idiots!" While angrily opening the doors. Sherlock and John stepped inside the cab heading to the crime scene.


	3. Derp 3

when the cab arrived at the crime scene John stepped out while Sherlock refused. John face palmed himself and a gave the leash a sharp tug hauling Sherlock out. Sherlock squirmed and barked trying to break free only to recieve a bop on the head from John "behave yourself!" John shouted angrily as Sherlock shut himself up. " fiiiiiiiinnnnnneeeee!" Sherlock moaned as he stood up, bent over and started sniffing like a blood hound. "Watson we're getting near the crime scene and here it is." Sherlock points across the road, John stares ahead and sees: (random fanfare) a sandwich shop. John turns his head back to Sherlock who is now drooling over the scent of grilled beef " Sherlock would you stand up please?" john menevolently said as he walked away, Sherlock replied with a what and stood up only to get greeted with ramming into him at sprinting speed, tackling him down, slapping him, whilst yelling: "STOP ACTING LIKE A DOG AND GET SOME WORK DONE!" "Alright, alright, just get off of me!" Sherlock begged as John tugged him off the ground. "What happened to the Sherlock that was actually GOOD at solving crimes!?" John angrily shouted. Sherlock only stared as he said "I haven't lost that sociopath knowledge ability, it's just become hard to snap into that state ever since that toy bus red bull incident. Even if I'm more doglike, remember those successful mysteries even whilst still in a barking mad manner, if you ask me the only thing I can say is that I have developed dissociative identity disorder." John sighed as he thought back, whenever they were deep admist crime when things went haywire, Sherlock would get a headache, thrust his head down, and when it came up the highly functioning sociopath Sherlock personality would appear, solve the crime, and then it was back to the highly silly derpy-o-path. John said fine and then dragged Sherlock strait to the crime scene.


	4. Derp 4

Sherlock and John managed to get to the crimescene, that is after John painfully pulled Sherlock away from at least 5 different fast food stands along the way. John was both exhausted and frustrated for wasting so much time taking care of Sherlock. The two walked inside to await an angry police chief officer awaiting them.

Chief: What took you arseholes so long to get here we've been waiting 2 WHOLE HOURS!

Sherlock: It's not my fault, I was HUNGRY FOR HOTDOGS,

The two argued on and on for quite a while until John broke them up. "ALRIGHT, ENOUGH! YOU TWO ARE ACTING LIKE CHILDREN, CHIEF WE'LL HANDLE THINGS AND SHERLOCK, GET INVESTIGATING!" John said yelling at the top of his lungs. The chief and Sherlock gave each other the evil eye before both walking off in the opposite direction of each other to continue what business they had to do. John and Sherlock started investigating the scene. Sherlock bent down on on his knees and started sniffing frantically," Watson I'm picking up soot, carrot juice, salami, and wee." Sherlock said. "You realize you're just sniffing my shoe. Especially since YOU PEED ON IT!" John snapped. Sherlock redirected his nose back to the victim's corpse and continued sniffing as Sherlock sniffed he snapped into a trance. Sherlock sniffed frantically, for up on all fours and started sprinting towards the exit while barking. John who was holding the leash was tugged along, he knew what this mad sniffing meant; it meant Sherlock found a clue and is in a state where his doggy mind and detective mind are one. Sherlock kept sniffing untill stopped right in his tracks in front of a a mat inside a dumpster, "aha, this mat has just recently been used considering indentation of the person left, the culprits must have been at least 230 pounds, and at a height of 5'3. Sherlock once again sniffed inside the dumpster, jumped in and pulled out a piece of crumpled paper. Sherlock opened the paper and found a large gambling debt," hah, what a classic the gambling debt. The handwriting looks like the handwriting form a waitress from the nearby Casino and Watson, get me a bone." John had a slight smirk on his face knowing they were getting somewhere until Sherlock started spazzing and came out of his trance. Sherlock looked up dazed asking what happened. John said they were heading to a casino, Sherlock sighed and called another cab with his gun.


End file.
